im about as happy as oj after his trial
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
