I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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