He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
if only i could text you this smell
bring money and cleavage
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
