just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
