They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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