I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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