Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
