Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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