there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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