I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
