Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
