false alarm. still invincible.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
