Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
