Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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