I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
