It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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