New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
