I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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