I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I think I have vodka in my lungs
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
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Be still, my beating vagina.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
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I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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