Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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