Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Is Oprah even human
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
