I think I am morally bankrupt
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
