we have pet lesbian snakes
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
