shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
