I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
