If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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