see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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