That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize
