shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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