I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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