Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
