you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
