Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
