I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
