I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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