I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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