Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
