yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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