Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
