Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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