I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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