It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
