There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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