I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
she told me i tasted like america
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
