it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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