Where are you?
In a non slutty way
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I look better un-naked...
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
