; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
