he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
