He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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