I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
