i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
