the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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