do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
