Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Randomize
