Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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