I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
