i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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