Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize