theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
