shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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