my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
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Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
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On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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