My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
