The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You ruined the universe
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
