The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
