Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
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