am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
