You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I think I just shit out all my problems.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
