Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i love accidental penises.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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