There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
What drink are we having for lunch?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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