the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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