I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.