I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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