i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
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we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
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Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.