Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
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Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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