My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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