You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful