My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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