I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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