what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
