At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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