My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
